


Crocodile Dun-Dan

by tommygirl



Category: Sports Night
Genre: Gen, Worst-Case Scenario Challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-21
Updated: 2013-05-21
Packaged: 2017-12-12 14:07:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/812442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tommygirl/pseuds/tommygirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan won't let anyone ruin his excitement for a trip to Florida - he's got it all covered.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crocodile Dun-Dan

**Author's Note:**

> for the Worst Case Scenario Fic Challenge, with the challenge of how to fend off an alligator attack.

As the elevator doors opened, Dan walked into the Sports Night offices with a huge grin on his face and his hands raised in victory. He was excited, borderline ecstatic, at the thought of escaping the evil New York winter in favor of the Florida sunshine. Two broadcasts left and a long weekend would be his. Oh yes, things were definitely looking good.

“I hate you,” Natalie said, falling into line with him in the hallway.

“Do not blame the recipient of the trip, blame your boss,” Dan said, patting her head as though that would somehow placate Natalie.

“Nah, I’d rather hate you and Casey,” she replied as she turned in the opposite direction and stomped off.

Dan’s smile didn’t waver though. So what if Dana was trying to guilt him and Casey for abandoning the show for four days? So what if Natalie had decided she hated them for escaping the evils of winter? He was going to Florida and he was going to golf and get a tan. Dan’s grin grew broader as he reached the door to his office. He entered, met Casey’s bemused gaze, and replied, “Tonight is the night, my friend. We escape from the sleet and freezing temperatures.”

“Yeah, to attend a broadcasters’ conference, Danny. Not exactly the epitome of fun,” Casey countered.

“Casey, Casey, Casey...it’s like you don’t know me at all. I have a plan.”

“A plan?”

“Yes, a plan, a brilliant strategy that will result in you and I escaping the conference rooms and ending up on the golf course where I will teach you a lesson in humility.”

“We’re the guest speakers.”

“So?”

“You don’t think they’ll notice if their guest speakers go missing?” Casey asked. He flipped through the pages of his magazine and added, “Face it, Danny. The only part of Florida we are going to see is Broadcasters’ Night at Pleasure Island.”

Dan’s face contorted in pain at the thought. He fell onto the couch with a long, dramatic sigh and stared out the window. After a minute, he pointed at Casey and said, “This is your problem, Casey.”

“A firm grip on reality?”

“You don’t think outside the box.”

“There is no box. There is you, me, and a boring conference that will suck four days out of our lives.”

“You know what I think?” Dan replied, sitting up and staring down Casey.

“Does it matter?”

“I think you’re scared of how badly I will beat you on the greens.”

“Says the man whose last score was so high over par that he set a new record,” Casey replied.

“I wasn’t that bad.”

“A six year old beat you.”

Dan pointed to the windows where rain trickled down the panes and left a mist in its wake. He said, “Look at this mess, Casey. I want some sun. I want some girls in tiny amounts of clothing. I want a break from all the crap that has surrounded this office in the past six months. If I have to make a speech and answer questions at a boring conference to get it, I’ll make do.” Dan stood up and said, “No one is going to ruin this trip for me.”

Natalie appeared and said to Casey, “Dana needs the highlights from the Giants game in the next half hour.” She noticed Dan’s smile. She placed her hands on her hips and said, “I hope your flight isn’t late. That would suck, wouldn’t it?”

Dan shrugged and said, “I’ll take a later flight, Miss Negativity.”

“Yeah, but you wouldn’t want to end up on one of those el-cheapo flights. I mean, don’t they tend to crash into swamps?”

“You have a terrible mean streak, Natalie,” Dan replied. He focused his smile directly on her and said, “But I’m willing to risk it. After all, I’m more likely to die in a car accident than a plane crash.”

Natalie glared at him and once again stormed off. Dan pointed in her retreating direction and said, “Can you believe her?”

“You are somewhat irritating with the blissful look on your face,” Casey commented. He ran a hand over his face and said, “You want to take the intro or the closing?”

“Intro,” Dan replied. He moved over next to Casey and sat on the edge of his desk. He said, “Do I really look blissful?”

“Danny...work...we still have two shows to do before we leave for Florida.”

“You’re not even the teensiest bit excited about our trip?”

Dan didn’t need an answer. He knew Casey well enough to know that he was as excited about the idea of four days away from the insanity that had become home to them. It didn’t surprise him when Casey responded, “Of course I’m excited. But I’m also scared of Dana and Natalie.”

“I heard that, Casey,” Natalie said as she walked by. She pointed at Dan and asked, “What about alligators?”

“Alligators?” Dan questioned.

“I hear they’re fond of out of state meat.”

“Petty doesn’t become you, Natalie,” Dan replied.

“All I’m saying is that Florida is overrun with alligators. A friend of mine in college used to tell me stories of alligators hanging out in her backyard and the occasional tale of a gator that made off with a baby’s arm.”

“You have a sickness.”

“You’re thinking, ‘happy holiday in the sun’ and all I see is gator food,” Natalie replied. She glanced at her watch and then Casey, “Those highlights would be nice.”

”Maybe if you stopped barging into our office,” Casey called out as Natalie rushed off again. Casey looked at Dan and said, “As demented as she is, she does have a point. I’m not particularly fond of knocking a golfball into a sandtrap and being surprised by an alligator. Maybe we should stay at the hotel.”

“Maybe you should avoid sandtraps.”

“My roommate in college knew a guy who knew a girl who was attacked by an alligator while she was on vacation in Florida before. It tore off her leg.”

“Oh, okay then. Because I knew a guy who knew a girl who went to Florida and hooked up with successful men who weren’t afraid of alligators.”

“If you want to be ‘Dan, the Peg Leg Co-Anchor of Sports Night,’ I can’t stop you.”

“On the off chance that I’m attacked by an alligator, I’ve got it covered.”

“Catching a few episodes of the _Crocodile Hunter_ on television doesn’t equate to _having it covered_ ,” Casey replied.

Dan shook his head and shot Casey his typical when-will-you-learn-my-friend look. He said, “First, those are crocodiles. Not the same thing. On behalf of all reptiles, I shame you. Second, I don’t plan to go out of my way to wrestle an alligator to the ground, but if I were attacked, I do know a few things.”

“Scream like a girl and run for cover don’t count.”

“I watch the Discovery Channel and have learned how to handle myself in certain situations that might arise.”

“Such as alligator attacks?” Casey replied with an incredulous look.

“Yes, such as alligator attacks.”

“And how exactly does one handle himself when an alligator is chewing on his arm?”

“The plan, of course, is not to wait until it’s chewing on your arm, but if the situation arises, you have to hit it on its snout or behind the ears with your fist or a weapon.”

“Danny, not to doubt your emergency planning, but you want me to believe that a punch in the nose is all it takes to avoid an alligator attack?”

“Well, it would have to be a hard punch. Aim for the snout, behind the ears, and the eyes.”

“A punch in the nose?” Casey repeated again.

“Have you ever been hit in the nose, Case. It stings like a bitch,” Danny answered. He sat down in front of his computer and said, “Like I said before. Nothing is ruining this trip for me, including some psychotic, golfcourse-roaming alligator.”

“Gator food,” Natalie hollered through the office.

Casey stood up, moved over next to Dan, and placed his hand on Danny’s shoulder. He said, “We’ve all got our priorities. I guess limbs aren’t that important to you.”

“I like my limbs just fine. Stop being such a wuss and prepare to be beaten on the golf course. No alligator attack will let you off the hook.”

Casey smirked and replied, “Yes, because the man who still can’t distinguish a nine-iron from a putter, instills fear on the golf course.” Casey patted Dan’s back and said, “I’m running these highlights down to Dana before she has an aneurysm.” Casey started to walk off, but hovered by the door for a minute, “Danny, do me a favor?”

“Yeah...”

“If I’m attacked by an alligator on the golf course, don’t punch it in the nose. Just get help,” he replied, chuckling as he walked off.

Dan rolled his eyes and muttered to himself, “Like I’d go near an alligator.”

_{Fin}_

**Author's Note:**

> Much love to Steph for the beta work.


End file.
